This game is going to be set in a high fantasy world. It will be a free roaming action/turn based hybrid rpg. I know that there is probably several grammar mistakes I'm am working on that currently. I welcome any and all feed back. Please let me know if you think this sounds like a good story. Back Story: The Fall of Ignis With the King of Ignis’ untimely death, leaving behind no sons and without a named successor to the throne, the Kingdom is left to the mercy of would be invaders. Mullin, brother to the neighboring emperor, Leonard, has taken a large army and invaded Ignis. He spent the first year as emperor traveling the kingdom making examples of would be rebels leaving behind a mass of orphans in his wake. These orphans were taken and placed into mining camps where they are put to work for the profit of the empire. The Kingdom now lay in ruins with its new emperor taxing his citizens for all they have leaving them with nothing. With the Royal Guard disband and its generals all executed as examples, there was no one left to keep the creatures of the land from moving in and taking part for themselves. Ten years has past and still the kingdom of Ignis remained under the rule of the tyrant Mullin. The People of Ignis pray for a hero. Part 1: The Mine Uriel works in a mine as was typical of the orphaned children in Ignis. On this day he watches as a soldier beats a young boy for dropping his basket. Uriel has reached a point of intolerance and has had enough. He charges the soldier catching him off guard, beating him to the ground. In doing this he has inspired the others to take up arms against their jailers and begin an uprising. As the mob works its way out of the mine Uriel finds himself running ahead of everyone, he is the first to reach the camp entrance. To his horror he sees a platoon of Imperial Guards quickly heading his way. As Uriel begins to panic he notices a lady to his right from behind a tent, motioning for him to come to her. She than takes him to a secret exit hidden from every ones sight. He pauses and looks back to see the other prisoners making their way toward the camp exit and begins to shout, but is quickly silenced by the lady. She says “You cannot help them, if you yell to them, the soldiers will finds us.” Uriel pauses for a moment longer and watch as the prisoners are cut down and the uprising quickly comes to a halt. Uriel and the mystery lady begin making their way through the forest until they come to a clearing and rest a moment. The lady introduces herself as Seraphina. She tells Uriel of the rebel faction and asks him to accompany her to their base of operations. Uriel agrees to follow her and they both set off for the rebel’s encampment. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Moving you to Writing For Games.

Quote: Original post by jbadams
Moving you to Writing For Games.

Thank you! Sorry for posting in the wrong section.

Not bad, but some things don't seem to work.

There seems little reason for Seraphina to want Uriel to follow her, sure he was the first upriseing miner out of the mines. But he quickly dives into her tent, abandoning his friends and fellow miners to face the legion awaiting them...Seems rather cowardly, not the type of person Seraphina would really want to draw into the rebellion. Given the dire situation in the Ignis kingdom, there should be something more to Uriel to inspire Seraphina to save him.


I think As Uriel leads the miners out of the mine he passes by the woman hideing in the cavern shadows. The miners then face the legion of soldiers, but to save the others from being killed. Uriel turns himself in to face the punnishment (death) for starting and leading the miner upriseing. Accepting the offer the enemy soldiers capture and start beating Uriel as the miners reluctantly return to thier posts. a little later Uriel has been bound and is kneeling on the ground, the commander of the legion stands over him addressing the rest. The dead bodies (dressed as soldiers) killed in the upriseing lay behind him in state. The commander asks that a friend of the dead come forth to execute Uriel. A young soldier quickly steps up, pulls his sword and prepairs to behead Uriel. But swings at the commander, misses, then kicks him to the ground. The solder quickly grabs Uriel and the two of them dash into the mine entrence. The legion grabs weapons and charges after them. But the young soldier knows the mine layout far better than the others and uses magical illusions to hide thier path. Eventualy they follow a small winding path that opens to a clearing in the woods. The soldier takes off her helmet revieling the woman that was hideing in the cavern earlier. Her name is Seraphina and she tells Uriel that she is a rebellion spy and thought the selfless act of sacrificeing himself for the well being of the miners was very nobel. That he showed true leadership, and wishes him to join her in the rebellion's justified cause of overthrowing the tyrant Mullin.

Uriel is hesatent, concerned that the legion will punnish the miners for thier escape. Seraphina explains that while nobel he is being foolish and nieve, that the legion wasn't as honorable as he believed - that, Uriels execution or escape, the legion would have made the miners suffer anyway. That Uriels nobel gesture only saved a few soldiers from dieing at the upriseing miners hands...But that it is his willingness to make the self sacrifice that shows his deturmination and nobility. He can't save the miners NOW. But with training and a army behind him, he can save not just the miners but the whole Ignis kingdom!

Uriel, still a little unsure and reluctant, agrees to follw Seraphina to the rebellion base.


This way Uriel still has much to learn, and there is some pretty sound reasoning why Seraphina saved him... but it also lays some groundwork for future story developments...maybe the dead bodies that lay in state really were dead soldiers pulled from the mine and the legion was honorable enough not to punnish the miners once Uriel was executed? This can create some tension to his relationship with Seraphina and even the rebellion. Such ambiguities can give the story more depth.

When and where does the player come into this?

After the guard is beaten to the ground and the mob begins its way to the surface. You will fight your way out using a mining pick.